Hey folks. It’s Tom, your friend from DVD Critics Corner.
How are you? Is the family okay? Did that problem you had with that loan shark named Cheech work itself out?
Good. I hope you were able to keep your thumbs.
Anyhoo, The Man from U.N.C.L.E has hit the theaters, which means the 2015 summer movie season is pretty much over.
It was a great summer for movies as far as I’m concerned. It was not a great summer for my curbside lemonade stand. Not only did I loose money, but received three visits from the health department and sixty unfavorable reviews from Yelp. Who reads Yelp anyway? I’m just a simple man trying to run a business…
But I digest.
This summer the movie going audience was treated to a wonderous cornucopia of movies; some of which were not sequels, reboots or remakes! There were Avengers avenging, Terminators terminating, and Minions minioning. We laughed, we cried, and we learned once again that combining amusement parks and carnivorous dinosaurs is about as smart as putting the Entourage cast in a major motion picture.
Enough frivolity, lets get to the summer movie reviewin’.
AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON
Synopsis: Hijinks abound as Iron Man and his pals take on a sentient robot who’s not very up with people!
What The Fans Said: Woo Hoo! Joss Whedon must have read my blog because he fixed everything I hated about the first Avengers movie!
What Tom Says: Avengers 2 kicked butt. James Spader must play the villain in every movie from now on. I’m serious James. Do it.
MAD MAX: FURY ROAD
Synopsis: Post Apocalyptic Australia’s favorite Police Officer is back and way beyond Thunderdome!
What The Fans Said: What a lovely day!
What Tom Says: Three decades later and George Miller hasn’t lost his ability to stage an exciting chase scene. I loved every sand covered minute of it!
Synopsis: Real life CG dinosaurs run amok in an amusement park and only Star Lord and Ron Howard’s daughter can stop them!
What The Fans Said: Is Jeff Goldblum in this one?
What Tom Says: Didn’t see it. I don’t like dinosaurs. A raptor stole my lunch money in fifth grade, okay?
Synopsis: The guy from Anchorman is now an Ant-Man! I know! Weird, huh?
What People Said: Edgar Wright isn’t directing this? This is gonna suck! I mean I’ll see it, but I am going to hate it!
What Tom Says: Holy crap, how did they make Michael Douglas look 30? It’s sorcery, I tell ya!
Seriously, Ant-Man was tons of fun.
Synopsis: Adam Sandler plays a guy blah blah blah and video games come to life and oh look, Kevin James is in this too! Big freakin surprise.
What People Said: Yeah, we took a poll and we decided that Adam Sandler should stop making movies.
What Tom Says: Didn’t see it. Apparently I wasn’t the only one.
And the rest….
Mission Impossible Rogue Nation – Didn’t see it. Sorry Tom. Loved the trailer when you hung off the plane. Very cool.
Minions – Didn’t see it. If there’s no Gru, then nuts to you!
San Andreas – Didn’t see it. From what I heard final score was The Rock 1, San Andreas 0.
Terminator: Genysis – Sorry, I missyd thys movye.
Inside Out – Didn’t see it.
Vacation: Wasn’t crazy about the original.
Trainwreck – Noooooooooo.
Fantastic Four – You know what? I’m gonna leave this one alone. It’s been through enough.
Enjoy the rest of your summer!
What were your favorite Summer movies? Let me know in the comments.
Hello blog readers. It’s Tom, your DVD Critics Corner pal. I hope you are well. How about that sports team that played that game the other day? Quite exciting, huh?
Anyhoo, in the part of the United States I live in, Fall has arrived. The kids are back at school, the wheat has been harvested, and the stores are decorated for Christmas.
The summer of 2013 was truly a magical time at the movies. There were Supermen, Lone Rangers, Wolverines, and whatever Matt Damon was in Elysium. We laughed, we cired, we grew to hate Jaden Smith. Let’s take a look back on the summer movie season that was!
Oh, despite what you may have heard about me being a dashing shut-in who only watches movies in DVD form, I managed to make it over to the multiplex to check out a few of the big summer blockbusters. I got my own box of Raisinets too!
Back to taking a look at the summer movie season that was!
Synopsis: Father and son space explorers crash land on earth thousands of years after humanity gets kicked out for not paying rent or something.
What Everyone Said: STOP MAKING US LIKE YOUR CHILDREN, WILL SMITH!!!
What Tom Says: I didn’t see it, and apparently neither did the rest of the world.
IRON MAN 3
Synopsis: HE. IS. IRON MAN. AGAIN!!!
What Everyone Said: Where are the rest of The Avengers?
What Tom Says: This movie kicked so much ass! We’re talking like a million asses! I counted! I had lots of free time this summer.
WORLD WAR Z
Synopsis: Dead men walking. And running.
What Everyone Said: Yay zombies!
What Tom Says: Didn’t see it, but I hear it was nothing like the book. Yes, I read the book. Tom read good!
STAR TREK: INTO DARKNESS
Synopsis: The crew of the Enterprise meet a guy who does a horrible Ricardo Montalban impression.
What Everyone Said: Four years is too long to wait for a sequel.
What Tom Says: Four years is not too long to wait for a sequel if the movie is outstanding, you ungrateful fanboy losers!
What Tom Is Trying To Say: Into Darkness was awesome.
THE LONE RANGER
Synopsis: Hi Ho Silver! Hello? Is anyone watching this?
What Everyone Said: Who’s The Lone Ranger?
What Tom Says: I hear if you mention this movie while in a Walt Disney theme park or resort, a goon squad appears out of nowhere and beats you senseless with socks full of quarters. Consider yourself warned. Oh, and I didn’t see this one.
MAN OF STEEL
Synopsis: Superman returns, this time in a good movie!
What Everyone Said: Wow, Superman really likes breaking stuff.
What Tom Says: Finally! A Lois Lane who can see through Clark Kent’s foolproof disguise – a pair of eyeglasses!
Synopsis: Ryan Reynolds continues to destroy his career in another special effects laden mess.
What Everyone Said: Comments unavailable since nobody saw this movie.
What Tom Says: I didn’t see this movie. Oh wait yes I did, when it was called Men In Black!
DESPICABLE ME 2
Synopsis: Reformed supervillain Gru and his minions return for another adventure!
What Everyone Said: So, are the minions humans, clones, or horribly deformed mutants? All three? That’s messed up.
What Tom Says: Okay, I only saw this dumb kiddie movie because my 10 year old niece dragged me to see it. I lied. I dragged her to see it because I loved the first movie! Gru rules! I cannot wait for another sequel. In fact, I sent Steve Carell a 3,000 page treatment containing my ideas for six more Despicable Me movies! I framed the restraining order his lawyers sent me.
AND THE REST
THE WOLVERINE – Didn’t see it.
ELYSIUM -Maaaatt Daaaamon. Didn’t see it.
PACIFIC RIM – Didn’t see it.
FAST & FURIOUS 6 – Holy %$#!, there’s six of them?
WE’RE THE MILLERS – HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! No seriously, we’re done now.