KATHERINE HEIGL, MOVIES FINALLY CALL IT QUITS
(Hollywood) After several tumultuous years full of mediocre romantic comedies and disappointing box office returns, the movie industry and actress Katherine Heigl have amicably decided to end their relationship.
“While we love and respect Miss Heigl, things simply weren’t working out with us,” the movie industry said in a brief interview on Monday morning. “We ask the media to respect ours and Miss Heigl’s privacy during this difficult time.”
People close with Miss Heigl and movies are not surprised with the breakup, sighting several incidents which strained a relationship that was shaky from the beginning. “Things with Katherine and movies were never that great,” one friend revealed. “I’m amazed they were able to stay together after The Ugly Truth and Killers. And Life as We Know It? We thought it would be the end of them right there. How they were able to work things out after that, we’ll never know.”
Another insider believes things were really over between the troubled couple after the disastrous 2012 comedy One for the Money where Miss Heigl played a wise cracking bounty hunter. “Oh God, no relationship could survive after that crapfest,” an anonymous friend sniffed. “You can tell it was over between them, but neither one of them would admit it. I’m glad the movie industry finally put a stop to this before more innocent film fans were hurt.”
Representatives for Miss Heigl said that while she is upset over the breakup she is hopeful things will bounce back for her very soon. “Katherine is still on fairly good terms with her last ex, the Television Industry. Maybe they can work things out and get back together for a new series or an original movie on Lifetime. Keep your fingers crossed!”
DISNEY’S UPCOMING MARIE CURIE BIOPIC PROMISES HIJINKS GALORE!
The iCarly and Despicable Me star is portraying the Nobel Prize winning scientist during her college years at the University Of Paris where her bumbling antics and goofy hijinks cause all kinds of trouble in the laboratory, enraging the always exasperated Dean of the chemistry department, played by British funnyman Ricky Gervais.
“Madam Curie was a pioneer in the field of physics and chemistry,” Cosgrove stated before shooting the food fight scene on the University Of Paris cafeteria set. “I honestly believe this film will do justice to her legacy. We filmed the scene yesterday where Marie trips on a test tube, destroys a lab and discovers uranium. It’s very true to how it actually happened.”
Radioactive Romance will also tell the story of how Marie met and fell in love with her future husband Pierre Curie, who will probably be played by a hot guy from one of those CW shows all the girls are watching.