Monthly Archives: January 2017

It’s A Living: The Best Jobs to Have in a Movie! (Part One)

Let’s be honest here. Movie characters are way better than us.

They’re better looking, in better shape, and seem to attract equally attractive and fit people as their love interests. Plus they have great hair. Thick, luxurious beautiful hair..

Oh. I’m not referring to you, dear reader. I like your hair. Never change it.

Movie characters also have great jobs we regular folks don’t have or could never hope to have. I mean, if some guy was looking for globetrotting secret agent at my college job fair, I would have signed up immediately, even though I don’t like to travel and I can’t keep a secret.

Just ask my brother the bed wetter.

Without further adieu, here are some great jobs to have in movies.

still-of-patrick-swayze-in-road-house-large-picture-2Occupation: Bouncer

As Seen In: Road House, Road House 2 (Yes, they made a sequel to Road House)

Pros: Those pretzels on the bar? Take as many as you want!

Cons: Is murdering drunk guys a bad thing?

The Deal: Being a bar bouncer combines two things that people love more than anything in the world: Hanging around in dive bars, and beating the crap out of someone. You go to a bar to have fun, not to get hassled by some overserved frat guys who use the word bro waaaaay too much. A bouncer can mean the difference between a fun night of karaoke with your work chums or a trip to the emergency room with a shot glass lodged in your right nostril. A good bouncer should also possess good diplomacy skills, the ability to smash kneecaps when necessary, and maybe bus tables when it gets really busy during happy hour.

Job Security? Pretty darn good. Drunken a-holes are everywhere!

bond-2Occupation: Secret Agent/Spy

As Seen In: The James Bond franchise.

Pros: Whenever you save the world, a famous recording artist writes and performs a special theme song just for you!

Cons: Every non friendly nation wants you dead, jet lag.

The Deal: Before Jason Bourne came along and ruined things with his “They stole my memories” whining, being a globetrotting secret agent was glamourous and exciting. Fancy cars, beautiful women, playing baccarat and sipping martinis in Monte Carlo because that was somehow crucial to your mission. Sure, from time to time you may have to battle a gigantic henchman with metal teeth at some mountain fortress, but who cares? Your car can turn into a submarine and your Rolex shoots laser beams. LASER. BEAMS.

Job Security? If crazy billionaire megalomaniacs keep building death rays, you got a job.

transporter3_03-2Occupation: Transporter

As Seen in: The Transporter movies.

Pros: You always get to pick the radio station.

Cons: Criminal clients always double cross you, butt gets numb from all that sitting in the car.

The Deal: Do you like being your own boss? Got a thing for fast cars? Do you own a pair of driving gloves? Then maybe a Transporter is the perfect job for you! Okay, your clients are criminals and you’re probably breaking a crapload of laws every time you get behind the wheel, but you were never a play by the rules person anyway. A good transporter must have extensive martial arts and weapons training because – and I hate to keep bringing this up – your clients are criminals will more than likely try to kill you or even worse – not pay you!

Job Security? Heck yeah! Just don’t drive too fast and don’t look at what you’re transporting.

Why?

Your. Clients. Are. Criminals.

fast-and-furious-7-2Occupation: Whatever the cast does in the Fast and the Furious movies.

As Seen In: The Fast and the Furious franchise.

Pros: Like the smell of burning rubber? Who doesn’t?

Cons: Illegal street racing is illegal, having Vin Diesel for a boss.

The Deal: Truth be told, I have not seen any of the Fast and Furious films so I’m not really sure what it is the motley crew of car enthusiasts featured in the movie do. I believe they are street racers who steal things and occasionally work for the government using said street racing skills. They are often called upon to do impossible things because in the world of action films only  Vin Diesel and a tricked out Dodge Charger can accomplish more on a good day than a squad of Navy SEALS can. I know in one movie Vin and his team parachuted with their cars out of the back of a cargo plane, so that’s pretty cool.  Most of us have to use a boring old normal plane when we go on a business trip.  I bet the Fast and Furious crew doesn’t have to save their lunch receipts!

Job Security? As long as the CIA is so busy that they have to subcontract their missions out to a bunch of adrenalin junkies in drift cars, you’re good!

Pedal to the metal my friend!

Part two of It’s A Living: Best Jobs to Have in a Movie coming soon!

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