I Arrest Dead People!

RIPD R.I.P.D. (2103)  Director: Robert Schwentke Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Jeff Bridges, Mary Louise Parker, Kevin Bacon Rating: PG-13 for bad language, gunplay, CG violence, and the blatant ripping off Men in Black. 

I don’t know what happens when you die, but I imagine you go to a place where time and space no longer exist and you are stuck in a perpetual limbo that has neither a beginning or an end.

So basically the afterlife is very much like getting your drivers license renewed at the Department of Motor Vehicles. On a weekend.

In movies like R.I.P.D., people don’t die and go to heaven, they hang around among the mortals to fix things, right wrongs,  and appear in buddy cop movies. The last one is for people who have done very very bad things while on earth.

Nick (a very bored Ryan Reynolds) is a hotshot Boston cop with a hot French wife (Stephanie Szostak) and a cool partner (Kevin Bacon) who drives a really cool Muscle car because movie cops always drive cool muscle cars.

During a huge drug raid Hayes (Bacon) shows his true jerkiness when he kills Nick because Nick knows about some gold they took from a previous bust.  But before Nick can go towards the light to that big home for prettyboy actors in the sky, he finds himself at the headquarters of the R.I.P.D.,  a Police Department for the afterlife where  Proctor (Mary-Louise Parker), head of the Boston branch and chief of plot exposition tells Nick he has to spend the next 100 years keeping the mortal world safe from “deados,” which are  spirits who remain on earth and hide in humans to cause trouble or something: truth is Mary-Louse looked so bored delivering the backstory of the R.I.P.D. I dozed off for a bit.

I dreamed I was a glove salesman in a world where people have no hands. What the hell does that mean?

Anyhoo, since this is a buddy-cop movie, newbie Nick is paired with grizzled veteran Roy Pusipher (Jeff Bridges in full Rooster Cogburn mode), a 19th century U.S. Marshall who loves shooting deados and hates rookie partners.

As Roy shows Nick the ropes of being afterlife cops they unravel a plan where the deados are rebuilding an ancient golden artifact which will return the dead from the afterlife to earth where they plan on starting home businesses and helping the homeless by building affordable low income housing.

Nah, they want to bring on armageddon. It’s what dead people do.

Can Nick and Roy learn to trade witty banter as a team and stop Kevin Bacon from taking over the world?

Like there’s any one who can stop Kevin Bacon. Have you seen Footloose?

R.I.P.D. has all the parts you need to make a huge blockbuster movie: a handsome leading man, a comic relief sidekick, lots of action, and plenty of CG stuff the kids love..

But just because something has four wheels and an engine doesn’t mean its a Ferarri. And since this flick bombed at the box office earlier this year it was plain to everyone that this movie is no Ferrari.

R.I.P.D. is a 1988 Pontiac Fiero GT.

Trust me. That’s not good.

And this concludes DVD Critics Corner for 2013. Thank you very much for reading. Have a wonderful holiday season and a Happy New Year!

See you in 2014. 

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About Tom Levier

Tom is a New Jersey native who lived in New York City for a while, and is now back in the Garden State. He is creator and writer of Central Park: A Misguide, DVD Critics Corner!, and The Gallows. Please read, comment on, and subscribe to his blogs. It would make him very happy. When not writing, Tom enjoys making jewelry and other handmade items for his shop Cold Garage Creations. Check out his shop on Etsy! https://www.etsy.com/shop/ColdGarageCreations

Posted on December 21, 2013, in Action Movies, DVD, Humor, Movie Reviews, Movies, Netflix, Reviews, Sci Fi Movies and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Great review! I especially loved this line: “So basically the afterlife is very much like getting your drivers license renewed at the Department of Motor Vehicles. On a weekend.” 😉

  2. Thank you for reading. Have a happy new year!

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