DVD Critics Corner Presents: The 2013 Summer Movie Wrap-up Thing!

RIPD

Hello blog readers. It’s Tom, your DVD Critics Corner pal. I hope you are well. How about that sports team that played that game the other day? Quite exciting, huh?

Anyhoo, in the part of the United States I live in, Fall has arrived. The kids are back at school, the wheat has been harvested, and the stores are decorated for Christmas.

The summer of 2013 was truly a magical time at the movies. There were Supermen, Lone Rangers, Wolverines, and whatever Matt Damon was in Elysium. We laughed, we cired, we grew to hate Jaden Smith. Let’s take a look back on the summer movie season that was!

Oh, despite what you may have heard about me being a dashing shut-in who only watches movies in DVD form, I managed to make it over to the multiplex to check out a few of the big summer blockbusters. I got my own box of Raisinets too!

Back to taking a look at the summer movie season that was!

AFTER EARTH

Synopsis: Father and son space explorers crash land on earth thousands of years after humanity gets kicked out for not paying rent or something.

What Everyone Said: STOP MAKING US LIKE YOUR CHILDREN, WILL SMITH!!!

What Tom Says: I didn’t see it, and apparently neither did the rest of the world.

IRON MAN 3

Synopsis: HE. IS. IRON MAN. AGAIN!!!

What Everyone Said: Where are the rest of The Avengers?

What Tom Says: This movie kicked so much ass! We’re talking like a million asses! I counted! I had lots of free time this summer.

WORLD WAR Z

Synopsis: Dead men walking. And running.

What Everyone Said: Yay zombies!

What Tom Says: Didn’t see it, but I hear it was nothing like the book. Yes, I read the book. Tom read good!

STAR TREK: INTO DARKNESS

Synopsis: The crew of the Enterprise meet a guy who does a horrible Ricardo Montalban impression.

What Everyone Said:  Four years is too long to wait for a sequel.

What Tom Says: Four years is not too long to wait for a sequel if the movie is outstanding, you ungrateful fanboy losers!

What Tom Is Trying To Say: Into Darkness was awesome.

THE LONE RANGER

Synopsis: Hi Ho Silver! Hello? Is anyone watching this?

What Everyone Said: Who’s The Lone Ranger?

What Tom Says:  I hear if you mention this movie while in a Walt Disney theme park or resort, a goon squad appears out of nowhere and beats you senseless with socks full of quarters. Consider yourself warned. Oh, and I didn’t see this one.

MAN OF STEEL

Synopsis: Superman returns, this time in a good movie!

What Everyone Said: Wow, Superman really likes breaking stuff.

What Tom Says: Finally! A Lois Lane who can see through Clark Kent’s foolproof disguise – a pair of eyeglasses!

R.I.P.D. 

Synopsis: Ryan Reynolds continues to destroy his career in another special effects laden mess.

What Everyone Said: Comments unavailable since nobody saw this movie.

What Tom Says: I didn’t see this movie. Oh wait yes I did, when it was called Men In Black! 

DESPICABLE ME 2

Synopsis: Reformed supervillain Gru and his minions return for another adventure!

What Everyone Said: So, are the minions humans, clones, or horribly deformed mutants?  All three? That’s messed up.

What Tom Says: Okay, I only saw this dumb kiddie movie because my 10 year old niece dragged me to see it. I lied. I dragged her to see it because I loved the first movie! Gru rules! I cannot wait for another sequel. In fact, I sent Steve Carell a 3,000 page treatment containing my ideas for six more Despicable Me movies!  I framed the restraining order his lawyers sent me.

AND THE REST

THE WOLVERINE – Didn’t see it.

ELYSIUM -Maaaatt Daaaamon.  Didn’t see it.

PACIFIC RIM – Didn’t see it.

FAST & FURIOUS 6 – Holy %$#!, there’s six of them?

WE’RE THE MILLERS – HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! No seriously, we’re done now.

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About Tom Levier

Tom is a New Jersey native who lived in New York City for a while, and is now back in the Garden State. He is creator and writer of Central Park: A Misguide, DVD Critics Corner!, and The Gallows. Please read, comment on, and subscribe to his blogs. It would make him very happy. When not writing, Tom enjoys making jewelry and other handmade items for his shop Cold Garage Creations. Check out his shop on Etsy! https://www.etsy.com/shop/ColdGarageCreations

Posted on September 26, 2013, in Action Movies, Adventure Movies, DVD, Fantasy, Humor, Movie Reviews, Movies, Netflix, Reviews, Sci Fi Movies, Science Fiction, Thrillers, Zombies and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. “Into Darkness was awesome” — I agree with this statement completely! 😀

  2. Algirht alright alright that’s exactly what I needed!

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