Fist Don’t Fail Me Now!

Man-With-the-Iron-Fists-Prequel

THE MAN WITH THE IRON FISTS (2012) Director: RZA Starring: RZA, Lucy Liu, Rick Yune, Jamie Chung, and Russell Crowe Rating: R for graphic violence, bad language, sexy ladies, and bad voice dubbing.

It’s funny; as much as I love movies with lots of martial arts type action, I don’t like martial arts movies.

You know the ones I’m referring to:  those low budget kung fu movies from the 60’s and 70’s with the poorly dubbed dialogue and over the top sound effects? Not a fan.

When I was a kid those flicks were on every Saturday afternoon on some local TV station, but I never watched them. Truth be told, I was into other things as a kid, like baseball, Star Wars, and solving mysteries with my older brother Frank Hardy and our neighbor Nancy Drew. I had a wonderful childhood.

Anyway,  hip-hop artist extraordinaire RZA so adores the martial arts film genre that he (with some help from Quentin Tarantino and Eli Roth) co-wrote, directed, and stars in The Man with the Iron Fists, a tribute to the kung fu films of old with elaborate fight scenes, a plot that is barely understandable, and more asian people flying through the air than the Shanghai Skydiving Academy.  

In a Chinese village called Jungle Village, the Lion Clan and the Hyena Clan spend the days fighting each other and the nights dreaming of fighting each other. The gangs bludgeon their opponents with amazing weapons forged by the Blacksmith (RZA) who has come to terms with the fact that his weapons are prolonging a war in his town and he is the only black man in 19th century China.  Blacksmith’s girlfriend Lady Silk (Jamie Chung) works at the local brothel as a waitress.

Did I say waitress? Sorry, that’s not right. Lady Silk is a huge prostitute.

Blacksmith hopes to save up enough money to buy Lady Silk’s freedom from brothel owner Madam Blossom (Lucy Liu) so he can marry the huge prostitute, but things get complicated when the Lion clan kills their leader Gold Lion and steals a huge shipment of government gold that passes through the village. Soon all heck breaks out as the Lion and Hyena clan fight over the gold, which attracts Gold Lion’s son Zen-Yi (Rick Yune) who wants to avenge his Father’s death, a huge invincible killer for hire who’s made of brass for some reason, and an English mercenary who’s played by Russell Crowe for some reason. Zen-Yi, Blacksmith, and Jack (Crowe) join forces to retrieve the gold before the clans kill each other and every innocent bystander and the Emperor’s army arrives to take back their gold and level the village.

Things build to a pretty big climax as every main character squares off against every other main character in a highly choreographed orgy of kung fu type violence. Blacksmith most notably makes things right against his enemies with his ultimate weapon, a set of badass iron fists that look like they were purchased from Gene Simmons’ garage sale.

The Man with the Iron Fists is a pretty spot on homage to the martial arts movies of old if you’re into the martial arts movies of old.

As I stated earlier, I’m not.

Soooooo….I guess we’re done with this review. Hmm. What should we talk about now? Have you seen Iron Man 3 yet? Any big plans for the summer? Do you know anything about rashes?

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About Tom Levier

Tom is a New Jersey native who lived in New York City for a while, and is now back in the Garden State. He is creator and writer of Central Park: A Misguide, DVD Critics Corner!, and The Gallows. Please read, comment on, and subscribe to his blogs. It would make him very happy. When not writing, Tom enjoys making jewelry and other handmade items for his shop Cold Garage Creations. Check out his shop on Etsy! https://www.etsy.com/shop/ColdGarageCreations

Posted on May 13, 2013, in Action Movies, DVD, Fantasy, Humor, Movie Reviews, Movies, Netflix, Reviews and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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