Bigger is Better! (Part Three)
In this continuing series, DVD Critics Corner looks at some really big things featured in some great (and not so great) movies. Once again, your opinion on what is “big” will differ which I find hard to believe because people on the internet usually agree about everything!
Part Three – Very Big of You! And Him. And Her. And Them…
People for the most part are pretty decent folks; they’ll help you move a sofa, laugh at your lame jokes, and if push comes to shove give you that kidney you keep whining about needing so badly. Unfortunately even the nicest people will get a little cranky when transformed into freakish giants by either a nuclear accident or a scientist tampering in God’s domain. It’s probably because giants have to wear circus tents for clothes. And a White Castle Crave Case is like an M&M to them. And toilet paper…what do they do about toilet paper? Jeez’ no wonder they wig out and step on us. I’m sorry for not seeing things your way, big freakish giants.
Anyway, here’s a look at some big people from the world of cinema.
As Seen In: The Amazing Colossal Man (1957)
Made Big By: Plutonium!
The Big Picture: Atomic energy is something we may never understand, mostly because science is really hard and I hate studying. Glenn Manning (Glenn Langan) wishes he knew about atomic energy, especially the part about how it turns you into a giant crazy bald guy with a love for violent destructive rampages when you catch a nuclear radiation blast right in the face! They should put a warning label on those bombs. Just a suggestion.
What Happened? Col. Manning died as he lived. 60 feet tall and wearing a big diaper.
As Seen In: Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (1958)
Made Big By: Giant space alien
The Big Picture: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And when that woman is 50 feet tall with a history of unstable behavior and a philandering husband on her “to kill” list, I’d say Hell would be the safest place to hide while Nancy is out on the town. I feel sorry for the shoe store clerk who has to tell her they have no Manolo Blahniks in her size, am I right ladies?
What Happened? At the climax of the film, Nancy is electrocuted by exploding power lines. That’s exactly how my giant Aunt died. Weird, huh?
As Seen In: Village of the Giants (1965)
Made Big By: Ron Howard, boy genius
The Big Picture: Bert I. Gordon was the undisputed king of the “giant creature” genre. His movies featured such horrors as giant locusts, ants, spiders, and teenagers! And the teens featured in Village of the Giants are the worst of all – actors in their mid twenties pretending to be teenagers! My God, was there ever a time when Beau Bridges didn’t look middle age? Save us little Opie Taylor!
What Happened? Young Ron Howard creates an antidote that shrinks the adult teens to regular size, and they’re all bummed out cause they were defeated by the squares, man.
As Seen In: Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999), Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002)
Made Big By: The evil mind of Mike Meyers
The Big Picture: Experts have argued for many years about the exact moment when Mike Meyers went off the rails. Was it The Cat in the Hat? The Love Guru? The endless Shrek franchise? Not even close, boyo. When he donned the tremendous fat suit to play the baby eating assassin Fat Bastard, Mike Meyers turned to the dark side. Please come back to us Mike. We miss you.
What Happened? Fat Bastard turned into Thin Bastard at the end of Goldmember, and the world rejoiced, mostly because Goldmember was over a few minutes later.
As Seen In: Honey, I Blew Up the Kid (1992)
Made Big By: Rick Moranis – nutty inventor and practitioner of the dark arts
The Big Picture: Poopy diapers. Think of the poopy diapers.
What Happened? They use the shrink ray from the first film. And that’s why you never ever throw anything away.
And this concludes Bigger is Better!
Thanks for reading; and keep on reading, because reading is what keeps the communists away!
Or something like that. Truth be told I slammed a bottle of Nyquil about an hour ago so I don’t know what’s going on now! Do I have any cookies? I should paint something. I wish Batman lived next door. I have hands? Cool! I have hands!!!
Click here to read part two of Bigger is Better!
Click here to read part one!
Posted on November 15, 2012, in DVD, Fantasy, Fiction, Humor, Movies, Netflix, Reviews, Sci Fi Movies, Science Fiction, Uncategorized and tagged Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, Austin Powers, Bert I. Gordon, Honey I Blew Up The Kid, The Amazing Colossal Man, Village of the Giants. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.