Can You Feel The Wrath Tonight?

WRATH OF THE TITANS (2012)  Director: Jonathan Liebesman  Starring: Sam Worthington, Rosamund Pike, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes  Rating: PG-13 for swords clashing and Titans wrathing. 

Wrath of the Titans is swords and sandals epic which is a sequel to the 2010 film Clash of the Titans, which also had lots of swords and sandals.

Wrath has more swords than Clash, but Clash had beautiful sandals. I’m talking real high quality ones too – not the cheapo kinds you buy at Wallgreens in the seasonal items section next to the pool toys, I’m talking the fine quality sandals you’d find at Kohl’s, or dare I say it – Payless. Thems some fine sandals!

If you didn’t see Clash of the Titans, here’s what you missed:

Perseus (Sam Worthington) the half-man half-god undertakes a mighty quest to stop the evil God of the underworld Hades (Ralph Fiennes) before he enacts terrible vengeance against the people of ancient Greece, and king of the gods Zeus (Liam Neeson) utters the best catchphrase of 2010:

Zeus – God of adorable memes!

Picking up ten years after the first film, Wrath of the Titans finds Perseus living the quiet life as a fisherman with his young son Helius. Zeus shows up and asks his son to help him out with some God business, but Perseus wants none of that as he’s still mourning the death of his wife Io, who passed away during the opening credits because the actress who played her in the previous movie was unavailable for the sequel.

The Gods are losing their powers and the Underworld prison of Tartarus is crumbling. The evil Titans imprisoned there will escape and make a big mess if Zeus doesn’t stop them. Zeus seeks help from his brother Hades, but since Hades is still god of dick moves, he and Zeus’ other half god son Ares (Edgar Ramirez) imprison Zeus so they can use his power to revive Kronos, the father of the gods who is basically a gigantic walking volcano who sweats lava and really hates his kids.

When Perseus learns Dad is in big trouble he seeks out his old pal Queen Andromeda to help him find a way to set things right. Perseus rescued Andromeda from the Kraken in the previous movie but since she has a bigger part in the sequel, she’s played by better known actress Rosamund Pike. Perseus and Andromeda hook up with Poseidon’s half god son Agenor (Toby Kebbell) who knows a guy who knows a way to Tartarus where Zeus is being held.

Perseus and crew fight a veritable who’s who of Greek mythology to rescue Zeus from Hades. There’s a gang of giant cyclops guys, a butt ugly Minotaur, and some angry warrior demons who look like conjoined Orcs on HGH. As Andromeda and her army take on Kronos and his minions, Perseus goes mano y mano with Ares, who is really pissed off because Dad gave his half brother a flying pony, a cool Australian accent, and a starring role in the Avatar franchise while all he got was a really girly name.

In summation, despite some CG goodies and a few decent battle scenes, Wrath of the Titans is your basic by-the-book sequel that fails to surpass or even equal the original movie.

I wonder what they could have done to make the movie better?

Okay, I’ll say it. They should have brought back the Kraken.

Sure, the Kraken crumbled into the sea at the climax of the last movie, but who cares? It’s a sequel for crying out loud! Maybe the Kraken was just pretending to be dead like Michael Meyers at the end of every Halloween sequel! How about reviving him with a lightening bolt a la Jason Vorhees in Friday the 13th Part VI!  Or have him return as the long lost twin brother of the Kraken out for revenge!

Once again, nobody listens to me.


About Tom Levier

Tom is a New Jersey native who lived in New York City for a while, and is now back in the Garden State. He is creator and writer of Central Park: A Misguide, DVD Critics Corner!, and The Gallows. Please read, comment on, and subscribe to his blogs. It would make him very happy. When not writing, Tom enjoys making jewelry and other handmade items for his shop Cold Garage Creations. Check out his shop on Etsy!

Posted on September 12, 2012, in Action Movies, DVD, Humor, Movie Reviews, Movies, Netflix, Reviews, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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