Taylor’s Gotta Run


Abduction (2011) Director: John Singleton Starring: Taylor Lautner, Lily Collins, Sigourney Weaver, Alfred Molina Rating: PG-13 for suspenseful violence and violent suspense.

There are two things I know about the Twilight movies.

1. They’re very popular with the young people.
2. I don’t understand them.

Other things that are popular with young people that I don’t understand are Tumblr, TV shows with singing, and poor grammar in text messages.

The Twilight films feature three actors – Robert Pattison; the pale british guy, Kristen Stewart; the girl who looks physically uncomfortable being on camera, and Taylor Lautner; the shirtless guy who turns into a wolf.

For reasons yet to be proven by modern science, these youngsters have become big superstars thanks to the teen vampire saga, and are now branching out into other movie roles. Lautner’s attempt at showing the world he’s more than a werewolf who loves to work out comes in the 2011 suspense film Abduction, which is chock full of spies, stunts, and chases. Think of it as a Bourne movie for the Nick Jr. crowd.

Also, Nick Jr is something that’s very popular with the kids that I don’t understand.

In Abduction Lautner plays Nathan, an average suburban Pittsburgh High School teen with good friends, a sweet motorcycle, and loving parents played by Maria Bello and Jason Isaacs. You can tell Dad really loves Nathan because they put on boxing gloves and beat the crap out of each other in the backyard. My Dad and I just played catch and talked. I guess he didn’t love me that much.

While doing some online research for a sociology report about missing children with adorable classmate Karen (Lily Collins), Nathan discovers he’s one of those kids you see on a milk carton.
Before Mom, Dad, and Nathan sit down for a major heart to heart, mysterious assassins bust in and kill his parents and blow up the house, leaving Nathan and Karen running for their lives with a price on their heads and an incomplete grade on their sociology report.

Who should Nathan trust? The shady CIA operative (Alfred Molina) who wants the boy to turn himself in? His psychiatrist (Sirgourney Weaver) who helps him flee and tells Nathan not to trust anyone?

Abduction is one of those modern day spy thrillers with traced calls, safehouses, black ops agents repelling down the sides of buildings, bad guys who can easily hack into every closed circuit TV camera on the eastern seaboard to instantly pinpoint your location, and a major government agency that doesn’t care that several agents are killed trying to keep track of one teenage lunkhead and his would be girlfriend.

Turns out Nathan’s real Dad is a top spy CIA spook and his arch nemesis, an evil dude named Kozlow (Mchael Nyqvist) wants to use Nathan as leverage to retrieve a stolen list of super secret stuff; like the names of rogue CIA agents and where Tupac Shakur is now living.

Just kidding about that last one.

No I’m not. Tupac isn’t dead. You didn’t know that?

Abduction draws to a nail-biting conclusion as Nathan unravels the truth behind his secret past while drawing his tormentor Kozlow out of the shadows while the CIA closes in. The big showdown takes place at a Pittsburgh Pirates game, because when I think of nail-biting excitement, I think of a team that finished fourth in the National League Central Division.

While I give him credit for trying, I don’t think Taylor Lautner isn’t quite ready for the action hero leading man status yet. Perhaps some day when Bruce Willis retires or Jason Statham and Dwayne Johnson are busy, if Stallone finally turns to dust and Tom Cruise is called back to his home planet, then maybe – just maybe it will be his turn.

Please don’t turn to dust, Sylvester Stallone!


Posted on February 21, 2012, in Action Movies, DVD, Humor, Reviews and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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