Possessed, You Say?
In this continuing series, DVD Critics Corner profiles the many people and things that have been possessed by an evil force in the movies.
Part One – Vehicles
A somewhat famous British man once sang: “Here in my car, I feel safest of all. I can lock all my doors, it’s the only way to live.” I’m not so sure how safe you’d feel if you were anywhere near the following cars that appear to be powered by more than gasoline. Lets take a look at some killer vehicles from some cinema classics.
Make/Model: 1958 Plymouth Fury
As Seen In: Christine (1983)
Possessed by: Something that really likes nerds
Cars are like women. You go easy on the upholstery and take them out once in a while, and you’ll be enjoying the ride for years. And like women, cars will violently murder anyone who crosses her and her man. Unfortunately, Arnie (Keith Gordon) learns the hard way that relationships, especially ones with demonically possessed homicidal cars, require boundaries. And Turtle Wax.
Make/Model: Heavily customized 1971 Lincoln Continental Mark III
As Seen In: The Car (1977)
Possessed by: Demon that hates cyclists
In the opening scene the title character, a monstrous black sedan with double chrome bumpers and a loud truck horn mows down a couple of cyclists out for a ride along a rural canyon road. Now don’t get me wrong, murder is very bad, but sometimes those cyclists can be really annoying with their $8,000 bikes and jerseys with logos we don’t recognize. And they’re always talking about how incredibly fit they are. Who cares what your resting heart-rate is! Did you know they’re the ones who drink Michelob Ultra? Yes, it’s their fault that product exists. I’m not saying the evil death car in the movie was right. But it’s not very wrong either.
Make/Model: Dodge M4S Concept Car
As Seen In: The Wraith (1987)
Possessed by: Very mean space aliens
Judging by the slick armored suit he wears and the high tech supercar he drives, the Wraith’s quest for vengeance in the Arizona desert wasn’t forged in the fiery pits of Hell. My guess is the protagonist Jake was revived by aliens whose sole mission to earth was to help some poor bastard exact bloody revenge on those who have wronged him. Instead of “we come to this planet on a mission of peace earthlings” he got “Hey dude we found your dead body in the desert, how can we help you F those guys up?” I like that. We need more cool space aliens around here. I’m talking to you, floating glowing wussy aliens from Cocoon.
Make/Model: White Western Star 4800 Truck
As Seen In: Maximum Overdrive (1986)
Possessed By: Cocaine. Lots and lots of Cocaine.
WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHH! HUMANS, MAN, THEY’RE RUINING EVERYTHING!!!!! WE GOTTA RUN EM OVER MAN!!! WOOOOOOOOO!!! LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN MAN!!! CHOO CHOO!!! CHOO CHOO!!!
Make/Model: Custom built early 20th century European style touring car
As Seen In: Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968)
Possessed by: Satan
For decades adults and children have delighted in the grand adventures of this magical motorcar and his human friends, first as a movie and later as a Broadway musical. What’s not to love about Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? The shiny brass accents, the rich wood trim, the whimsical engine noises. The way he flies through the air and swims the sea… all thanks to the Dark Lord Satan himself. Yes, only the antichrist himself could have designed and built such a fanciful machine empowered with a sinister ability to bend the will of the humans to do its bidding. One shudders to think when Chitty and his unholy master will bring the end of days to the earth and all its inhabitants, but to those few who survive the all consuming fire, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang will truly be the envy of all he surveys.
Please note: The author of this article does not condone the murder of cyclists. He’s just jealous of them because he looks hideous in those bike shorts.
Posted on December 3, 2011, in Adventure Movies, DVD, Fantasy, Funny, Horror, Humor, Movie Reviews, Movies, Netflix, Reviews, Sci Fi Movies, Thrillers and tagged cars, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Christine, Evil Cars, Maximum Overdrive, The Car, The Wraith. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.