How Green Is My Lantern?

Green Lantern (2011) Director: Martin Campbell Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Peter Sarsgaard, Tim Robbins Rating: PG-13 for sci-fi violence. Whatever that means.

I didn’t read comic books as a kid, but over the years I have picked up a few things. I do know Superman flies and is very strong, Batman has cool gadgets and beats up bad guys, and Wonder Woman dresses like a sexy drum majorette and ties crooks up with a golden rope.

I like Wonder Woman.

Another popular comic book character is a guy called Green Lantern, whose powers come from a shiny ring that doesn’t look the least bit showy and goes with just about everything.  Since Hollywood is determined to squeeze every last dollar from the comic book crowd, Green Lantern was given his own big ass blockbuster movie earlier this year.

Sorry Aquaman, you’ll have to wait. Forever, if I have anything to say about it, you fish loving fancy lad.

Deep in outer space, the Green Lantern Corps, a group of alien life forms from thousands of planets protects the universe like an intergalactic police force, arresting space criminals and giving space tickets to people who talk on their space phones while driving their space cars.

A dying Green Lantern named Abin Sur crash lands on earth, and in his last moments of life asks his power ring to find a worthy human to take his place in the Green Lantern Corps. Apparently Sur’s ring really hated its owner, because the green energy bubble retrieves cocky wiseass test pilot Hal Jordan, played to cocky wiseass perfection by cocky wiseass Ryan Reynolds.

Is the Green Lantern Corps ready for its first human member? Does Hal Jordan have what it takes to be a guardian of the galaxy?  Can Hal convince his on again/off again girlfriend Carol (Blake Lively, in a role probably meant for Jessica Biel) that there’s more to him than his washboard abs and his ability to crash 50 million dollar planes at will?

All of these questions must be answered pretty gosh darn fast because there’s this giant space cloud of evil called Parallax hurtling toward earth, determined to devour everyone  because that’s what giant space clouds of evil do. Ever meet a giant space cloud of evil that is willing to give up its Saturday to help you move? Of course not. They’re evil.

At the risk of spoiling the movie for you, Hal embraces his calling as a new Green Lantern, leaving behind his life of cocky wiseassery on earth to protect the galaxy from whatever bad space stuff is out there.  The movie hints of a possible sequel, but since movie goers pretended they were out of town or in bed sick when Green Lantern premiered, I think the Green Lantern Corps has been defeated by the greatest enemy of all: a crappy box office return.

Still, Ryan Reynolds looks smashing in green, and Blake Lively was pretty good as Jessica Biel.  And did I mention Tim Robbins was in this? He was!

Somebody tell Aquaman it’s his turn.


About Tom Levier

Tom is a New Jersey native who lived in New York City for a while, and is now back in the Garden State. He is creator and writer of Central Park: A Misguide, DVD Critics Corner!, and The Gallows. Please read, comment on, and subscribe to his blogs. It would make him very happy. When not writing, Tom enjoys making jewelry and other handmade items for his shop Cold Garage Creations. Check out his shop on Etsy!

Posted on November 21, 2011, in DVD, Funny, Humor, Movies, Reviews. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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