Sucker Punch

Sucker Punch (2011) Director: Zack Snyder  Starring: Emily Browning, Abby Cornish, Vanessa Hudgens  Rating: PG-13 for CG violence and stuff.

Here’s a cute story.

I was preparing for an evening of movie watching. I had my snuggie, a hot cup of Celestial Seasons tea, and a DVD of the 1994 version of Little Women starring a pre shoplifting arrest Winona Ryder.

I popped the disk into the thingee and settled in to watch the sprawling tale of the March sisters as they come of age, fall in love, and try to find their way in Civil War America.

Perhaps director Gillian Armstrong was taking some creative license and had strayed away from the source material, because as I watched the first hour, I noticed some peculiarities about this particular adaptation of Louisa May Alcott’s novel:

Did Jo fight giant Samarai warriors in the book?

Why is Meg wearing a leather bustier and shooting Nazi zombies?

Did the 1949 version of this movie have Beth and Amy battling a fire breathing dragon with a World War II era bomber?

Scott Glenn is in this?

It was then I realized I was watching Sucker Punch, a 2011 fantasy/action film directed by Zack Snyder (300, Watchmen) and not the American classic Little Women.

Silly me.

The story of Sucker Punch is as follows; Babydoll (Emily Browning) is a hot young girl unjustly locked away in a mental hospital for hot young girls where she plans her escape.  Or is Babydoll a hot young dancer locked away in a brothel run by a sleazy mobster where she plans her escape? Or maybe Babydoll is a hot young ass kicking character in a giant videogame who dresses like Sailor Moon and fights off hundreds of bad guys to find the “magic objects” she needs to plan her escape?

Aw heck, why not all three!

Sucker Punch is packed with plenty of CG monsters and robots, lots of machine guns, tons of highly choreographed fight scenes filmed in ultra slick slow mo, and a bunch of hot young actresses dressed like extras from that Lady Marmalade video. It has everything you’d ever want in a movie, if you were Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons.

Like Inception, Sucker Punch is a mind bending story where the line between reality and dreams has been erased, but instead of Leonardo DiCaprio’s sour mug for two hours we get to look at the girl from High School Musical shooting guns while dressed as some sort of S&M vampire, so that’s both hunky and dory in my book!

If you like your movies confusing, loud, and action packed, I highly recommend Sucker Punch. If you like your tea with the tender sweetness of peaches, I highly recommend the Imperial White Peach tea from Celestial Seasons.

It’s like a warm hug in a cup.

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About Tom Levier

Tom is a New Jersey native who lived in New York City for a while, and is now back in the Garden State. He is creator and writer of Central Park: A Misguide, DVD Critics Corner!, and The Gallows. Please read, comment on, and subscribe to his blogs. It would make him very happy. When not writing, Tom enjoys making jewelry and other handmade items for his shop Cold Garage Creations. Check out his shop on Etsy! https://www.etsy.com/shop/ColdGarageCreations

Posted on October 21, 2011, in DVD, Humor, Movies, Reviews. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Hilarious review. I unfortunately went to see Sucker Punch at the cinema, for some obscure reason or another, and deeply regretted the loss of two hours of my life. Dire movie. Even the action left me bored.

  2. I really wanted to like this movie because I’m a fan of Zack Snyder (especially Watchmen) but I could barely sit through this one.

    Thanks for reading.

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